Hazaah!!! (A Medieval Times review)

My community is not one that I would characterize as a tourist destination, which is why I was a little surprised to see a Medieval Times open in my neighborhood.

For those who don't know, Medieval Times is a dinner theater action/drama showcase featuring swords, horses and food intended for you to eat with your fingers.

Let me begin by saying that I've not had a strong interest in the kind of entertainment Medieval Times has to offer -- I don't make it to the renaissance festivals, I don't own a sword. So, I didn't think I was going to have that much of a good time. But, to my surprise, I found the whole experience to be really fun.

Here is a quick run down of what goes on:

Location: As visiting Lords and Ladies, you are seated at color-coded, stadium-like areas complete with a table, chair, plate, bowl, cup and candle. Your seat overlooks the arena of sport -- a sand-lined pit presided over by a balcony with seats for the king and his daughter, the princess. Each color seating section has a corresponding knight for you to cheer to victory.

If you are apt to be put off your meal by the smell of animals, then you may -- at times -- have a loss of appetite. You will be watching people riding around on large, well-trained horses, and the horses do soil the sand. Folks will do their best to clean up between the action, but there is still a lingering scent of the equine variety.

Presentation: You are treated to a variety of entertaining performances occurring as segments of an overall story. There are ridership exhibitions, falconry demonstrations, skills competitions, hand-to-hand combat and a few special effects added here and there. And yes, you get to see some jousting!

The exposition of the story can be a little corny and bloated at times, and that is really about the only thing that I found slack about the whole experience. There will be a few "down times" where you get a mini-lecture on why the kingdom is in its current state. If you get over the melodramatic theatrical speed bumps, then you're good to go for the rest of the evening.

Food: Overall, you get a pretty good meal. Everyone will receive something like the following:

soup
bread
half a chicken
bbq ribs
half a seasoned potato
fruit-filled pastry

Drinks of Pepsi, tea, water and coffee are complementary. If you want beer, wine or some sort of specialty drink, they can be delivered to your seat.

You might want to personally order from the bar area in the lobby. They have a wide range of drinks and serving vessels available for purchase before or during the show. For example, you can grab a commemorative "stein" (more like a large ceramic mug with no lid) filled with your favorite domestic beer for $19 - $20.

So, was it worth it?

A trip to Medieval Times is best enjoyed with a large group of family and/or friends. We went with a big crowd as the guests of a rather generous business associate, and a good time was had by all.

You will, however, have to remember that nothing here is cheap. Just getting in the door will cost you $47.95 per adult and $35.95 for those 12 and younger. And throughout the entire evening, servers will come to your seat to sell souvenirs like banners ($1) and battery-powered flower lights ($5).

In short, Medieval Times makes for the kind of night that you and your crew of sword buddies will enjoy if you have a little extra spending money to keep yourselves entertained for a few hours. Short of a renfest visit, there is really very little else that can compare with an evening of shouting, "KILL HIM!!!" to the knight of your choosing.

Eat, drink and be medieval!