Vampires will never take over the world

If there were a race of vampires bent on destroying the fabric of society by enslaving and/or ending humanity as we know it, the odds are against their success.

First, I imagine there would be a supercrew of vampire fighters (see "Vampire Hunter D" or "John Carpenter's Vampires") that would already be at work before the general populous was made aware of the situation. Humanity would be able to sneak up on the bloodsuckers, drive a garlic-soaked stake through their dead hearts and drag their sorry carcases into the brightest of the bright, sunny days. Woot!

Second, small pockets of strong resistance would build up and strike major blows in guerrilla warfare engagements (see Stephen King's "Salem's Lot"). People young and old would know their own home terrains well enough to remove large swatches of the living dead attackers.

And if that weren't enough, some science guys have come up with the mathematical proof that a vampire takeover is destined to fail. Here is what they have to say:

It would take 2.5 years for vampires to wipe out the entire human race (supposing their victims become vampires)

After n months there would be 2 x 2 x 2 ... x 2 = 2ⁿ, or a geometric progression with ratio 2. (In other words, "The vampire population increases geometrically and the human population decreases geometrically.")

To sum up -- "Using the principle of reductio ad absurdum, they conclude that vampires can't exist as their existence contradicts the existence of humans."

Therefore, if there really were vampires and they really got their act together to attack the rest of the world, their efforts would ultimately fail.

You can now sleep better tonight . . . until the zombie hoard arrives.

Revisionist history, or the Gospel truth?

This man, Pauline Father Gabriele Amorth, is the official exorcist for the Vatican. In a recent radio interview and subsequent news story, he offered the following sentiments:

"The devil can possess not only individuals but also entire groups and populations. For example, I am convinced that the Nazis were all possessed by the devil. If one thinks of what was committed by people like Stalin or Hitler, certainly they were possessed by the devil."

So two of history's most high-profile murders were, indeed, only doing what the Devil told them to?

I'm not sure anyone can say for sure that these folks were truly possessed, but their actions were ghastly enough to make you consider that possibility. But before we start hanging labels, consider what the Bible has to say about a person possessed:

Matthew 8:28-33
And when he [Jesus] was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way.

And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time?

And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding.

So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine.

And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.

And they that kept them fled, and went their ways into the city, and told every thing, and what was befallen to the possessed of the devils.

I'm guessing that nobody was with either Hitler or Stalin 24-7, but I seriously doubt that either exhibited supernatural strength or similar physical manifestations of possession.

But then again, perhaps there were some who witnessed actions that were out of the ordinary. Consider this site and the lengthy article, "Demonic Possession of World Leaders."

No clowning around.

In recent weeks, I've taken some guff for my posts.

No, it wasn't a political statement or movie review that got people upset. The negative feedback came because I posted some pictures featuring sinister clowns (seen here, here and here).

Personally, I have no beef with clowns and those who like to clown around. Sure, clowns are by and large annoying. But they aren't scary to me.

So I've come to learn that by hook or by crook some folks have a rather deep-seated fear and hatred of those white-faced comedians. I mean, they get the nightmares and the whole nine yards from seeing these performers.

To help us all understand and better appreciate what causes these reactions, I have asked a repeat clown victim to give a personal account of dealing with Ronald McDonald and his cohorts:

Coulrophobia is the official word for the fear of clowns. Yuck! Even typing the word is difficult for me.

A large number of people suffering from coulrophobia have had bad experiences that caused them to develop this fear. I am one of those people. The rest of the population that experience this fear simply hate them because they are creepy, disgusting and NOT funny.

They are often in scary movies, including "Spawn" where the clown is a demon, "Gacy" which is a true story of an idiot that dressed up as a clown and killed little boys and finally, America's favorite, "It".

The shoes, the hair, the red paint around their repulsive mouths - which could only be blood - is frightening and disturbing. They are not cute. They are adult men and the whole purpose of their demeanor, their appearance and their balloon twisting "talent" is to attract children. There is something wrong with that.

There are therapies and treatments for this fear. If I attempted to undergo them, I might just respond positively, but I am convinced that until every clown is burned, we are not safe.

For the enjoyment of the sufferers of coulrophobia:
click here.

Double dippers (WNTE ver 6.0)

I'm a little mystified by the most recent additions to my favorite WFMY News 2 feature, Restaurant Report Card (which we call Where Not To Eat aka WNTE).

Traditionally, the Card is updated every seven days. This is why I was a little disappointed to see Aug. 17 come and go with no addition.

But within the last 24 hours, they posted two updates dated Aug. 17 and Aug. 24, respectively. They're kinda pulling a little switch to make themselves look up-to-speed.

The old shell game aside, lets take a look at what's on the menu this time:

Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robins, Great Wall Chinese

• Toxic items are not properly labeled such as sanitizer and degreaser
• The restaurant is not cooling down hot foods properly
• Employees not washing their hands after taking out the garbage or handling money
• All non-approved utensils and equipment must be removed
• All items must be off the floor

China Restaurant

• The restaurant needs to work on keeping the flies out
• The restaurant needs to clean the floors extensively

Wendy's

• Dirty dishes and containers
• All dishes need to be completely cleaned before placing them on the shelf
• Flies were present

Carniceria el Ranchero

• The domestic freezers are not approved for food storage (a repeat violation)
• Hair restraints must be worn when preparing food or washing utensils

Smokehouse BBQ

• Some equipment needed cleaning inside and out

Great Wall Chinese

• Both live and dead cockroaches were found today as well as flies (SPECIAL NOTE: The original score was a 78.5, it improved to 83.5)

Oh how the mighty have fallen . . .

Darn. There was so much potential for this to be great.

It wasn't.

While there are moments of genuine excitement, the new "Poseidon" was an overall disappointment. It cannot hold an orange emergency flashlight to 1972's "The Poseidon Adventure."

As you'll recall, in the 1972 version Gene Hackman was the strong-willed if not a bit worldly priest, the Rev. Frank Scott. He and Ernest Borgnine's character, Det. Lt. Mike Rogo, played off each other very well (just like in the book).

But in this incarnation, Kurt Russell and Josh Lucas are two of the most lifeless leading characters imaginable. There is nothing -- nothing -- interesting about their interactions, backstories or motivations. They're just placeholders of the worst sort.

The visual effects are entertaining, but only for a while. You do find yourself saying, "Ok, sure these people can spend that much time underwater . . . without any hint that they should know how."

I guess the biggest disappointment comes with this being a film directed by Wolfgang Peterson. He brought us such entertaining movies as "The Perfect Storm" and "Air Force One" as well as the fine film, "Das Boot." But "Poseidon" has left me with a sinking feeling.

And I remain apprehensive about which Wolfgang Peterson is going to show up to direct "Ender's Game." Few sci-fi/fantasy novels can claim to be as influential as Orson Scott Card's simple classic. If Card is to be believed, he continually receives messages from readers whose lives were deeply touched by this story.

One can only hope the real Wolfgang Peterson is behind the camera for this one . . .

Extreme math

As a kid, I was constantly harassed to "show my work" in completing long division and other math equations. Math is not my cup of anything, and to this day I remain a total science end-user -- I don't care (for the most part) how you got it done . . . just do it.

All the while there's been this mother of all unsolvable math problems known as the Poincaré conjecture sitting out there for about 100 years. This thing is so unbelievably complex, I think it's best to just borrow the newspaper's description to say that it's "about the nature of space."

So, the conjecture sits there unresolved since its inception in 1904. That is until now . . .

It seems a mysterious Russian mathematician named Grigory Perelman has adequately completed the work to resolve the math puzzler.

In 2003, Perelman submitted his solution to a Massachusetts-based institute that offered $1 million to the person who could untangle the problem.

The Mass. group is now finished looking at Perelman's work, and they are ready to supply him with an oversized novelty check worth a mill. But Perelman is a no-show.

He turned in nearly 1,000 pages of work . . . many think he has a lock on the math version of the Nobel Prize . . . he has already earned himself a million . . . and he hasn't been seen or heard from since.

Something just doesn't add up here . . .

Want to know more?

Ok, here's the story. Supposedly this company inadvertently created a perpetual motion machine, and now they're challenging the world to prove they didn't.

To read more about it, go here and here.

One month, two movies

Get ready to see your DVD collection grow by leaps and bounds this fall with these two Japanese classics.

Criterion is going to unleash a restored version of Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai." Here's what you'll get:

Three discs
Restored high-definition transfer
50-minute making of documentary
Two-hour conversation with Kurosawa
New English subtitle translation
And much, much more

Gojira comes to DVD for the first time in North America. The classic monster movie will include the following:

A two-disc set
Commentaries
Making-of feature
Trailers
“Godzilla” with Raymond Burr